Wednesday 29 October 2014
my mother and I
basically, ever since a young age my mother and i have never got along. we have always been like chalk and cheese and I'm ALWAYS in the wrong. she never admits to anything and is ALWAYS CORRECT. she over reacts on absolutely everything and I'm always to blame! I have had enough.
Tuesday 28 October 2014
This is me!
Hey... so this is kinda my first post and this is my blog. Its about me, my feelings, my life, pretty much everything about me. I'm a 15 year old girl who has had her troubles, been through what she thinks is the worst and feels invisible. i want to hear stories from other people and i want to listen, i want to be their for you when you feel no one else is listening.
i started off my life in the uk, my family just the four of us. my older brother suffers with ADHD - that difficult to live with- at a young age i moved to Australia. I thought it was wonderful, my whole life was there,. beach was at my front door, friends were just a drive away and waking up to sun shining everyday was amazing and everything was pretty much taken for granted. i was never the most popular girl. i had my friends and that was all i needed. but sometimes i felt they weren't even their for me, i felt like they took me for granted like i took Australia. you realise that no matter what you say or do they knew i was too week to get mad at them and leave them. but i lived with that and i didn't complain. I'm not going to go into detail about what happened next but my life got turned upside down when i was just 13. a whole two years of watching my mother suffer with depression and all because of this situation.
i will never forget the day that my parents walked up to me and said we would be moving back to England. i was broken. i don't think there was any other way of describing it. i didn't talk to them for a while but i suddenly did realise that everything i was taking for granted was going to be lost. i suddenly realised how much i loved my school, my friends, the pool in my front garden. it was all becoming so real.
Everything was just starting to become great. i started to be recognised, i started to feel popular and i hated my parents for taking this all away from me. i was distraught and i didn't know how to tell my friends about the big move. but i had to face it. so when i told them, the people who i wasn't so close too took it worse than i expected and the closest people too me took it fine. even my best friends took it as if it was fine. it came to the final week and thats when they started wanting to own me and would get upset when i went and spoke to others. it felt like they were jealous.
Then came my last day, i spent that with the boy i had fancied for 2 years and finally he liked me - but thats another story- i got my school dress signed and i was going back to my best friends house for a last sleepover. i was crying after saying goodbye to some of my closest friends. but little did i know i was going to see them again. that night they had all planned a secret goodbye dinner and i had never felt so important, so loved and cared for in my whole life. i knew they would be my friends forever and would stay by my side 100%. this made moving become a whole lot harder. but it had to be done.
my parents knew how i felt and how mad/upset i was but they didn't understand at all. the one sentence i hated hearing was "i understand". they didn't they had no idea what it felt like to have all your happiness disappear.
we had landed. i don't think i hadn't spoken for so long in my life. i remember when my mum looked over to me while holding my hand and asked if i was ok. i wasn't ok and it was very clear and i couldn't hide it. i just cried in front of the whole plane. my mother and i have never really got on. we were more like chalk and cheese. but i had never felt like i needed her so much than i did then. so we were now in England. i was going to be decorating my room, starting a new school, having to make new classes. it was hard and i was determined i was going to hate it. i couldn't think of anything worse at the time. but its not that bad. i wouldn't say its great. but its not s bad as i thought, i needed to open my mind up more and let my new friends in - knowing they would never replace my true friends-
moral of the story- give things a try because 9 times out of 10, its not as bad as you thought.
B xox
i started off my life in the uk, my family just the four of us. my older brother suffers with ADHD - that difficult to live with- at a young age i moved to Australia. I thought it was wonderful, my whole life was there,. beach was at my front door, friends were just a drive away and waking up to sun shining everyday was amazing and everything was pretty much taken for granted. i was never the most popular girl. i had my friends and that was all i needed. but sometimes i felt they weren't even their for me, i felt like they took me for granted like i took Australia. you realise that no matter what you say or do they knew i was too week to get mad at them and leave them. but i lived with that and i didn't complain. I'm not going to go into detail about what happened next but my life got turned upside down when i was just 13. a whole two years of watching my mother suffer with depression and all because of this situation.
i will never forget the day that my parents walked up to me and said we would be moving back to England. i was broken. i don't think there was any other way of describing it. i didn't talk to them for a while but i suddenly did realise that everything i was taking for granted was going to be lost. i suddenly realised how much i loved my school, my friends, the pool in my front garden. it was all becoming so real.
Everything was just starting to become great. i started to be recognised, i started to feel popular and i hated my parents for taking this all away from me. i was distraught and i didn't know how to tell my friends about the big move. but i had to face it. so when i told them, the people who i wasn't so close too took it worse than i expected and the closest people too me took it fine. even my best friends took it as if it was fine. it came to the final week and thats when they started wanting to own me and would get upset when i went and spoke to others. it felt like they were jealous.
Then came my last day, i spent that with the boy i had fancied for 2 years and finally he liked me - but thats another story- i got my school dress signed and i was going back to my best friends house for a last sleepover. i was crying after saying goodbye to some of my closest friends. but little did i know i was going to see them again. that night they had all planned a secret goodbye dinner and i had never felt so important, so loved and cared for in my whole life. i knew they would be my friends forever and would stay by my side 100%. this made moving become a whole lot harder. but it had to be done.
my parents knew how i felt and how mad/upset i was but they didn't understand at all. the one sentence i hated hearing was "i understand". they didn't they had no idea what it felt like to have all your happiness disappear.
we had landed. i don't think i hadn't spoken for so long in my life. i remember when my mum looked over to me while holding my hand and asked if i was ok. i wasn't ok and it was very clear and i couldn't hide it. i just cried in front of the whole plane. my mother and i have never really got on. we were more like chalk and cheese. but i had never felt like i needed her so much than i did then. so we were now in England. i was going to be decorating my room, starting a new school, having to make new classes. it was hard and i was determined i was going to hate it. i couldn't think of anything worse at the time. but its not that bad. i wouldn't say its great. but its not s bad as i thought, i needed to open my mind up more and let my new friends in - knowing they would never replace my true friends-
moral of the story- give things a try because 9 times out of 10, its not as bad as you thought.
B xox
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